


i'm the red in your noid of blues

by prikicheesecakeu



Series: for once in this universe, we are known [1]
Category: BAE173 (Band), Cravity (Band), DRIPPIN (Korea Band), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Growing Up, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Imaginary Friends, Insomnia, M/M, Unsafe Use of Medication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:48:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25875406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prikicheesecakeu/pseuds/prikicheesecakeu
Summary: “Priiikiiii, I want you to come play with me!” A boy presents a blue toy car held in his tiny fingers. His eyes sparkle as he continues to thrust his car at him.Eunsang stares at the little boy, completely and utterly lost as to what is happening.—alternatively, 17-year-old Lee Eunsang dies and becomes 5-year-old Kang Minhee's imaginary friend.
Relationships: Cha Junho/Son Dongpyo, Kang Minhee & Lee Eunsang, Kang Minhee/Son Dongpyo, Kang Minhee/Song Hyeongjun, Nam Dohyon & Jang Wonyoung
Series: for once in this universe, we are known [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1886941
Comments: 8
Kudos: 42





	i'm the red in your noid of blues

**Author's Note:**

> hello and welcome to the fic that i wrote instead of updating my other work or doing sat prep or college research! yayyyyyyywooops
> 
> i think i've always wanted to write a minisang, and i couldn't be happier about how this turned out really. so i hope i've done my fellow minisangists and authors a little bit proud :)
> 
> i suggest listening to "Without You" from the American musical, 'Rent' while reading the part where Eunsang sings (oop, spoilers lol).  
> you can listen to it [ here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_a6TruDQHME)
> 
> i also suggest listening to WOODZ's [ Noid](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynb1yr0EpPI) for similar reasons/symbolismmmmmmm (also Noid is a good song) (ok honestly just listen to WOODZ's EQUAL album)
> 
> happy reading!

_ 파란색 _

_ (Blue) _

Surprisingly, Eunsang still remembers everything.

Or maybe he’s just floating somewhere between the living and dead and he hasn’t _actually_ died yet. 

What he can feel (barely, at most) is the roughness of the concrete on his skin, that dizzying sensation progressively fading away, and the pain subsiding into nothing. 

His vision spins in gentle colors, morphing from the fading blue car paint into an all-too-familiar room that he hasn’t seen in years. A worn burgundy rocking chair sits in the corner of the yellowing room, his tiny grandmother nestled in between the arm rests. She smiles warmly at Eunsang, gesturing for him to come closer, a frail hand reaching out to him. Eunsang obliges, feet obediently stepping on the soft velvet-like carpet. Quickly placing his hand on hers, he closes their fingers gently, trapping the warmth in between their palms. 

“Eunsang…” she murmurs, bringing their hands closer to her chest. “It’s wonderful to see you again.”

“You too, Grandma.” he grins, his heart feeling cozy with a long forgotten comfort. 

“Say goodbye to your parents before you go, ok Sangie? You won’t have much time.”

“I will,” he assures her, laying his other hand over their clasped fingers. “I promise…”

And then Eunsang can't see anything, nor say anything anymore. The comforting world surrounding his grandmother swirls out of existence, leaving Eunsang in the dark. 

No blues, no reds, just… emptiness. 

  
  


He’s scared. 

The thought of death was always an interesting thought; he tends to feel very meta about it, in all honesty. _Like when you die, you die, and everyone’s going to die, you’re life was probably pointless to the entire evolution of the human race-_

And he needs to stop thinking about that. He should probably think about his parents and his friends and how much he loves them more than anything instead. Yeah. Those’ll be his last thoughts. 

_Mom, Dad, I love you-_

  
  


Eunsang doesn’t get to finish. 

  
  


◓◓◓

  
  


**_Busan: One Dead, Four Injured After Drunk Driver Caused Multi-Car Accident_ **

_BUSAN_ _—_ _A_ _drunk driver caused a violent crash involving 3 vehicles that critically injured four and killed one, Monday evening._

_The victim was later identified as 17-year-old Lee Eunsang, a resident of Busan. Witness accounts say he was crossing the street when he was struck by the drunk driver and the other two vehicles. The teenager died at the scene._

  
  


◓◓◓

  
  


“PrikiPrikiPriki! Come play with me!” 

  
  


_What?_ “What?”

  
  


“Priiikiiii, I want you to come play with me!” A boy presents a blue toy car held in his tiny fingers. His eyes sparkle as he continues to thrust his car at him. 

  
  


Eunsang stares at the little boy, completely and utterly lost as to what is happening. 

One second, he was dead—the next… here. With this small child who can't be more than five or six, a stuffed animal in one hand, a plastic toy in the other. The floor around him is scattered in blankets and pillows from a collapsed fort; a bright mini orange race track remains tucked into the corner of the room. 

“Priki? Can you hear me?” The boy asks, head tilting in confusion. 

“Uh, yeah, I can hear you… Can you hear me?”

“Most definitely, Mr. Priki!” He gives Eunsang two thumbs up, a toothy smile spreading across his face. “So, will you play with me?”

“... Yeah, sure.” Eunsang agrees with uncertainty, crouching down to the boy's level. “Uhm, what’s your name, kiddo?”

“Mini,” he says shortly, his focus suddenly dropping to the clutter on the carpet. “My name is Minhee. I go by Mini because Mom says it’s cute.”

“Well, that _is_ cute,” As he watches the boy scanning the floor for toys, Eunsang asks, “So… Mini, what are we playing today?” 

“WE’RE GONNA RACE CARS!” Minhee immediately yells out loud, jumping up with a car held high in the air. His sudden outburst causes Eunsang to recoil a little and he catches himself before splaying backwards onto the carpet. As he tries to regain some form of balance, Minhee continues a little less enthusiastically.

“See, I wanna race you because Sangie does not race right.” Eunsang perks up at his nickname but it’s clear he’s referring to someone else; he’s never raced toy cars ever or done anything with this kid. The boy has his hands firmly on his hips, his mouth forming into a tiny little pout. “And because _I_ thought up of you, I think you will race me right.”

_Holy shit, oh my god-_

“I… uh… I see…” Eunsang stammers, the puzzle pieces almost clicking into place. “Wait, sorry, who’s Sangie?”

“Sangie is my older brother. Yeosang is his full name.” Minhee says. “But I call him Sangie because he calls me Mini.”

“How much older is your Sangie?” he asks, curious. (He also hopes the kid doesn’t notice his use of possession.) 

“He’s eight. He brags about it sometimes.” Minhee answers, picking up one of the abandoned toys from the floor. “And he’s only three years older than me!”

“Hey, good math, kid!” Eunsang encourages him, raising a hand for a high-five, to which Minhee slaps back without looking. He’s too focused on his toy cars.

“Thanks. So, Priki-Priki, are you gonna follow my rules?”

“Um… yes! I’ll definitely follow your rules!”

“Are you sure?”

“I-” Eunsang buffers, caught off-guard. Sorry, this kid was five? “I mean, of course, Mini.”

“Do you pinky promise?” Minhee swiftly stretches out his pinky finger for him to take. Thinking before nodding, Eunsang hooks them together before the boy presses their thumbs together. 

“So, whoever wins, gets strawberries.” Suddenly, Minhee’s piping up a prize. Eunsang’s a bit taken aback. 

“Strawberries?” 

“Yes, strawberries are my favorite fruit!” he gushes (yes, the kid gushed at fruit). “I love them!”

“Hmm, good to know!” Eunsang says. “I like peaches. Have you had a peach before, Mini?”

The boy nods vigorously before rambling on about fruit, which gets him back to the topic of strawberries. 

“I’m not going to let you win because I want strawberries!”

“Wow, determined kiddo, aren’t you?” Eunsang winks at him. “Well, you better try hard, because I’ll definitely put up a fight!”

Minhee cheers before bolting to retrieve the race track from the corner. While dragging it out to the center of the room, the boy pushes the blankets and toys away to give the orange track space. Once Minhee makes sure all the pieces fit together perfectly, he turns to Eunsang and places a blocky red car in the palm of his hand. 

“Put that here-” he points a finger at the top of the spiraling track. “And I'll put mine here.”

Minhee places his own car down and Eunsang does the same. 

“And then we let go at the same time, ok?”

“Ok!” Eunsang gives him a thumbs up in understanding. 

“Ok!” Minhee repeats after him, readjusting his grip on his car. “Racers! Start your engines!” 

The supposed five-year old starts blowing raspberries in an attempt to simulate a car, whereupon Eunsang quickly follows suit. 

“Five! Four! Three! Two! One! GOOO!”

  
  


They end up playing on the same orange race track set for at least two hours until Minhee’s parents call him down for dinner. Minhee won most of the races, _most,_ so when he leaves, he’s glorifying in his strawberry award. (Eunsang feels a bit played; the kid gave him a wooden car to race against a slick plastic one, c’mon!) Minhee takes his car with him; a flash of blue plastic disappears from the door frame as he sprints down the stairs. 

What randomly ends up surprising Eunsang, other than everything else happening right now, is his lack of hunger. It’s… weird. 

  
  


While Minhee’s gone, Eunsang tries to piece back together what kind of predicament he is in. 

Minhee had said _“And because_ **_I_ ** _thought up of you…”_

Eunsang has no idea where the name _“Priki”_ came from. And yet, an even bigger issue stands before him; he should be dead. And yet, here he is, lost in a child’s room. (A child that was pretty adorable and chatty and welcoming honestly…)

So… he’s what? An imaginary friend? He can’t be-

“I played with Priki!” Minhee’s voice drifts up from the dining room table; Eunsang can hear the boy over-enthusiastically recounting his evening. 

“And who’s this ‘Priki’?” a female’s voice asks gently. _His mom._

“He’s-”

“Your imaginary friend?” That’s probably Yeosang.

“No, he’s real! He’s upstairs!” He can hear Minhee desperately trying to assure him.

“But he’s not real, Minhee.”

“Yeosang, stop teasing your brother,” A deeper and older voice rumbles. 

“But Dad-”

“You had one too once, Sangie. And they were just as real as Mini’s are, aren’t they?” his mom says, and he can hear Yeosang grumble in annoyance. 

“I can prove it. He’s upstairs. I can prove it.” Minhee huffs under his breath, but somehow loud enough for Eunsang to hear. 

  
  


“He’s real.”

  
  


◓◓◓

  
  


Kang Minhee, as he learns, is seven when he sprains his ankle for the first time during little league baseball. It’s the first of many twists in his childhood, including the one where he would trip over the family’s dog. 

In addition, he also got hit in the face early on in the game, but that clearly didn’t stop the kid as he kept running around on adrenaline, all the way until he spectacularly failed to slide onto the base. Resulting in his current swollen ankle. 

Funnily enough, Eunsang happens to be there, mostly because Minhee actually asks him to be. So nonetheless, he ends up seeing the whole ordeal. Including the baseball to the nose, which he openly winces at. 

  
  


Eunsang feels like he needs a whole “imaginary friend” handbook or something; he’s so painfully lost about everything. For example, how the heck is he supposed to disappear and reappear at his own will, like how most imaginary friends are? 

There’s no one to tell him what he should and shouldn't be doing or not doing. He can barely even remember his own imaginary friend when he was little; nothing more than a few memories here and there. But it clearly hasn't prepared him in any way for his unexpected twist of life after death (like it was supposed to or something). 

  
  


The sprain isn't anything bad, but if Eunsang knows Minhee at this point, that kid will make a huge fuss about it for days. 

So, after he gets his ankle wrapped with a patterned compression bandage and is taken home early, Minhee sits on his bed, his bottom lip pressed out in a pout. He’s clearly more than slightly irritated as a look of displeasure creases his face. 

“I wanted to finish the game…”

“Mini, you know that it’s not safe if you play on an injured ankle,” Eunsang reasons with him, taking a seat at the foot of his bed. 

“But, I coulda done it-” he says, but the look Eunsang shoots at him made him pause. “Ugh… I know I know, I just wanna play still! It doesn’t hurt at all! Look!”

Minhee starts to stand up, but Eunsang rushes over to push him back onto the mattress. 

“Um, no, let’s not start running around just yet.”

“You're no fun,” Minhee pushes his lips out more, his glower becoming borderline hilarious and over exaggerated. 

“Well, I may not be fun but we can always find fun things to do here,” He catches the boy mid-movement to standing before he falters under Eunsang’s gaze. “ _While you stay in bed._ IN BED alright?”

“Aww man…” Minhee sighs, slumping back against the wall in defeat. 

  
  


Eunsang stands, moving to search in the bucket of toys before pulling out a pair of dark blue Nerf guns from it’s depths. He presents them to Minhee who gives him a sort of lost expression.

“But, how am I supposed to even play with that? You won’t let me move around and then you’ll definitely win…”

“You always win anyway,” Eunsang tosses a pillow at him. “Make a fort of your bed.”

Plain bewilderment fills Minhee’s face. 

“Like, make a fort to protect. And I’ll try to attack it. And then you can shoot as many Nerf darts you want at me, alright?” 

He holds out the guns to the child, winking to try to lighten him up. Eventually, Minhee takes them and immediately decides to start shooting at him. 

“Hey! That’s not what I said-”

“My rules now!” Minhee commands. “Now, Mr. Priki. Make my fort. Because I can’t get up.”

“A magic word maybe?” Eunsang inquires, a sly smile spreading across his face. 

The seven-year-old sighs before adding, “Please…?”

“Of course, kiddo.”

  
  


◓◓◓

  
  


Eunsang is a little more than marginally surprised when Minhee asks him to sing to him one late night. Really, it makes a lot of sense as Minhee’s young, but Eunsang has never really been a singer. Not that he knows of at least; he did like music when he was… alive. 

He glances at numbers glowing on Minhee’s lego alarm clock-radio before agreeing; it was 11:57 and that kid should really be asleep. 

  
  


As it would turn out, Minhee has a pretty heavy case of insomnia that would manifest in his teens and young adulthood, especially under stress. But now, the kid’s staring up at him, asking him to sing him to sleep. 

“Aren’t you a bit too old-”

“I’m only eight and I really can’t sleep.” Minhee frowns, crossing his arms defensively. 

“Ok, alright. Just know I was never really the singer type.” 

“It’s fine. Just sing.”

Minhee leads the way to his bed, the boy pulling Eunsang along with their liked hands. As he snuggles up in what had been a former pillow fort, Eunsang sits next to him, leaning back onto the headboard. It’s a bit cramped, but Eunsang can't find it in him to care more than he needs to. 

After they settle, Minhee looks at him expectantly, asking if he was going to actually do anything. 

“Yeah, ok I’m singing,” Eunsang says quickly. “What do you want me to sing though?”

Minhee thinks hard before mumbling, “I dunno. You pick.”

Sighing, Eunsang casually whistled a tune, trying to think up something, anything really. 

“Oh, I got one.” Eunsang proclaims. “It’s in English, I hope you don’t mind.”

“Ok. Sing, Priki. Please.” Minhee gently demands. 

Eunsang slowly takes a breath before starting, the faint tune of those English lyrics that he can vaguely remember hearing a few times coming back to him. 

  
  


_“Without you… the ground thaws… the rain falls… the grass grows…_

_Without you, the seeds root, the flowers bloom, the children play,”_

  
  


At “children,” Eunsang ruffles Minhee’s hair and the boy giggles before relaxing again. 

  
  


_“_ _The stars gleam, the poets dream, the eagles fly, without you…_

_The earth turns, the sun burns, but I die, without you.”_

He can see Minhee’s eyes falling closed, his breathing becoming less shallow. Voice no more over a quiet whisper, Eunsang continues to murmer the next verse. 

  
  


_“_ _Without you, the breeze warms, the girl smiles, the cloud moves…_

_Without you, the tides change, the boys run, the oceans crash…_

_The crowds roar, the days soar, the babies cry, without you…_

_The moon glows, the river flows, but I die without you.”_

Eunsang meekly holds the final note of the song, cracking a smile in self-gratification. (He knows there’s more to it, but he just doesn’t remember, especially as it’s from that American musical, _Rent._ )

Minhee’s dead asleep; Eunsang coos at him before pulling a blanket over his sleeping figure. 

  
  


◓◓◓

  
  


“Hey, Priki,” Minhee starts, his nose buried in his fourth-grade reading booklet. 

“Yeah, Minhee?” Eunsang had ended up dropping _“Mini”_ when the kid was about seven or eight, due to the child whining incessantly whenever he used the nickname. 

Funny story, Minhee actually yelled _at_ him once in the middle of a Target once. But obviously, there wasn’t anyone there, which seemingly resulted in Yeosang blackmailing him and nagging the younger (and yes, the barely-not-even tweenager blackmailed the seven year old). So, after this, Eunsang made sure Minhee felt comfortable around him. Hence, the loss of the adorable nickname. (Apparently his family dropped it a bit earlier, but Eunsang had failed to notice. He promises to be more observant.)

_“Kiddo”_ ends up sticking around though. That's Eunsang's nickname for him now, and Eunsang’s alone. 

“Do you have… like, an actual name? Or do _I_ come up with it? Or do I just keep calling you Priki? ‘Cause Priki was just a thing I think I heard from Wooseok when I was like four.” Minhee looks up to where Eunsang is lounging at the desk. “Think it was like that telephone game where you whisper something down a line of people and you hope the person at the end gets it right. Usually they don’t, I’ve never been in a game where it worked out in the end…”

Past Minhee’s usual ranting, Eunsang is slightly taken aback at the sudden question; his mouth drops open but no sound comes out. It’s funny to remember he had a real name once. _“Priki”_ stuck to him like glue. 

He has spent a whole five years as a nickname, as what he could only assume was… an imaginary friend. (Eunsang assumes because he hasn’t come to terms with his predicament.) Five years of no one else but Minhee talking to him. It isn’t bad, but it's definitely lonely sometimes. As some _“imaginary friend,”_ he kind of thought he would have disappeared already, but he’s still hanging around for some reason. 

_Should have…_

  
  


“Earth to Priki?” His booklet is placed on top of the Star Wars themed sheets as Minhee directs all of his 10-year-old attention to Eunsang. “So, do you? Have a name? Because I’ll start calling you _‘Strawberry’_ if you don’t like _‘Priki’_ …” 

Eunsang has contemplated (for _years,_ he’s had five of them) if he should tell Minhee his real name, but something always stops him. 

What if telling him his name makes him disappear? For good?

It isn’t like he’s going to die or anything, but whenever Minhee isn’t conversing with him, isn’t hanging out with him, isn't doing anything having to do with him, Eunsang just becomes lost in a dark void. _Guess that’s where imaginary friends go when we aren’t “using” them…_

  
  


But that vacuum of darkness… that emptiness has become dreading to him. Because he likes existence, even if he isn’t really existing. But when he’s floating in blackness, he has no purpose, no meaning. He’s not Eunsang, he’s not anyone. 

(He ends up calling his void, a _noid_ instead. It felt appropriate; he’s probably being paranoid about it anyway.

A paranoid struggle of his imaginary existence.)

  
  


Eunsang feels like he should be able to choose when he appears and disappears, but it just hasn’t happened yet, _still_ . It’s as if he hasn’t learned it yet. So he ends up spending a lot of time in Minhee’s room, at Minhee’s school, or in the dark. _In the noid._

But he’s here now (he’s planning on helping Minhee review after he finishes his reading). And _damn, I need to answer that question._

But Minhee has moved on.

“Hey, remember that time when I put a dried chickpea in my ear, and then it got really really stuck, and then we had to go to the hospital…”

“Minhee, you literally put the most random object everywhere. Your ears, your nose, the vase in the living room, your water bottle, the hole where we were supposed to bury your two-day-old goldfish. _Of course_ I remember that.”

“Wait, didn’t _you_ tell me to do that though?”

“What, put a chickpea in your fish’s grave?”

“No, you told me to bury the bowl too-”

“No I didn’t-”

“Also, that goldfish was already half dead, _it came dead_ \- HEY I FED IT-” Minhee appealed to him, but Eunsang can't stop laughing. 

“No… you didn’t- we didn’t-” Eunsang caught her breath before continuing. “We never fed that fish… We didn’t even have a tank and you know that!”

“NO I-”

_“Minhee!”_

His father’s booming yell up the stairs makes both of them shut up faster than the speed of light. With their widened eyes towards the slightly open door, they hear him call:

“Aren’t you supposed to be studying? Who are you talking to?”

“No one!” Minhee answers quickly, snatching up the forgotten booklet just in case his father decides to come up. 

“You better not be on the phone, sucking up the phone bill-” he grumbles on before his footsteps recede. 

Eunsang lets out a breath he doesn’t know he is holding. Minhee apparently does the same, glancing at him before reading his booklet, a wide smile on his face. 

“I mean, sure, but I’m also not the one who let their dog run away because I thought he found a girlfriend.”

“What? I seriously think he’s found one by now. He’s probably very happy now. So I’m happy too.”

“Yeah but do your parents know that?”

“Shut up!”

Chuckling quietly, Eunsang watches Minhee return to his reading. Soon, a soft murmur comes from behind the booklet as Minhee reads the words on the pages out loud in order to understand them better. His eyes light up in understanding as he follows the lines with his finger. 

He’ll never miss how Minhee’s eyes sparkle when he debates, when he’s passionate about something, when he’s enthusiastically ranting about stuff. Even as a little ten-year-old.

  
  


So, Eunsang decides on the spot: no harm done in telling Minhee his actual name. 

There’s no repercussions for anything he does. He’s fucking _imaginary._

_And who knows how much longer I’ll be here to tell it._

“It’s Eunsang. Lee Eunsang, if you really want.”

  
  


◓◓◓

  
  


Minhee is pinning incredibly hard on one of his maybe-more-than-friends friends when he is in the eighth grade. 

Eunsang knows for a fact that it’s his second crush ever; his first was a kid named Jungmo a few years ago. And _that_ ended just great. _Totally_ didn’t result in the older pushing Minhee to the floor and declaring their friendship over. Of course, they made up eventually (it wasn’t ever _that_ serious), and now they’re pretty close. Well, as close as middle schoolers get. (Actually, Eunsang helped Minhee figure out what to say to Jungmo after he got plaintively rejected, and then they were cool).

“Eunsanggggg, what do I doooooooo-” Dropping his backpack onto the floor with a heavy _thud,_ Minhee sprawls onto his bed. (Actually, Yeosang graduated this year, so Minhee moved into his much more spacious room, which felt appropriate as Minhee is already sprouting much taller than his older brother. He’s a whole 5’10, eye-level with himself, actually). 

“Well-” 

“He’s just so cute!” he starts babbling. “It’s like his cheeks are so squishy! And he’s always hitting me and he’s been buying me drinks and he always sits next to me in Environmental Science, but I can't tell what he’s trying to do, is he like hinting to me or-”

“Minhee, I’m pretty sure that means he likes you. Also wait hitting-”

“Does it?” Minhee pops his head up to make desperate eye-contact with Eunsang. “Does it really?”

Eunsang heaves a sigh. Minhee is always so whipped, but so… so painfully oblivious at the same time. 

Love-stricken Minhee is actually one of Eunsang’s favorite of the collection of Minhee personalities. Not that Minhee had separate personalities or anything, he’s just so animated and dramatic that it brings out these different defined temperaments in him. He remembers a time where he had actual crushes and was absolutely in love with them at the time… That was a lifetime ago. 

At least he can relate. 

  
  


“Yes, I’m sure Dongpyo likes you as much as you like Dongpyo.”

“But, how can you be sure?!” Minhee complains, flopping his arms around. 

“Dude, you’ve literally asked me to attend your Environmental Science class just to see if he liked you.” Eunsang reassures him. “And hey, I’m no cupid, but I am your friend and I’m pretty sure I’m telling the truth, alright?”

Groaning, Minhee pulls his phone up to his face, scrolling through his messages. 

“Minhee, just text him back-”

“How did you know he was texting me?”

“Minhee, it is so obvious to the point that it can't be more clearly written on your face.” Eunsang sighs for the millionth time. “Text him back.”

“But…” Minhee flips over to look at him. “What do I sayyyyyyyy?”

“Well, what did he text you?” 

“Um…” Minhee looks at his phone, reading out the text. “I have a ton of homework to do tonight… otherwise I would totally ask you to come over…”

“Ok,” Eunsang thinks. “So he’s saying that he wants you over.”

“I’m not done yet-”

“Oh sorry, continue.”

“But… do you want to go to a cafe with me tomorrow or something like that?”

Eunsang gapes at him. “What are you doubting, Minhee? Yourself?”

“Hey, shut the fuck up, I don’t know what I’m doing, don’t shame me-”

“Minhee, he literally _wants_ to hang out with you. It’s written right there!”

“But, what if he’s asking me to help him with Environmental Science or something-”

“Oh my god, Minhee, you’re so thick-” Eunsang face-palms in frustration. “HE’S CLEARLY NOT CAN’T YOU SEE THAT? JUST AGREE AND GO WITH HIM TOMORROW!”

“But-”

“Minhee.” Eunsang yanks Minhee upright, making him stare straight into his own eyes. “Listen to me. I can promise you, Dongpyo really likes you. Really. I’ve literally _seen_ it in his eyes. Whenever you laugh or talk to him or anything, he gets superbly flustered… but your skull is too thick to see that.”

Minhee’s jaw is left unhinged, still hesitant but less so than before.

“Trust me. Just trust me this once. I promise.” Eunsang presents his pinky as he had done a million times before. 

Minhee rolls his eyes before catching his little finger in his own. They push their thumbs together. 

“So, what, tell him yes, I’ll hang out with him?”

“Yes. And throw in a smiley while you’re at it.” Eunsang says. “Oh! And ask which cafe too.”

“Alright.” Minhee grasps his phone, carefully typing out a message and showing it to Eunsang. “Like that?”

At Eunsang’s nod, Minhee sucks in a deep breath before tapping the “send” button. 

The “swoosh” sounds from the phone and Eunsang feels Minhee hold his breath. 

“Minhee, breathe, he’s probably not gonna answer right-”

“LOOK HE’S TYPING-”

“AND?” 

A few seconds later, the phone pings in Minhee’s hand and they both lean in to see the messages. 

**dongpyo** **♥** **:** hey i have a ton of homework to do tonight, otherwise i would totally ask you to come over now…

 **dongpyo** **♥** **:** do you want to go to a cafe with me tomorrow or something like that???

 **minhee:** sure! i’d love to hang out with you tomorrow :) have a place in mind?

 **dongpyo** **♥** **:** i like to go to the woodz beanery after school

 **dongpyo** **♥** **:** is that ok?

Minhee glances at him, searching his face for a response, Eunsang nods in approval before sitting back against the headboard. 

“You really have a heart emoji next to his name-”

“Shut up!”

**minhee:** sure!

 **dongpyo** **♥** **:** alright! see you tomorrow then!

 **minhee:** yeah, see you!

Minhee exhales a sigh of relief, letting his phone fall onto his bed; his body follows soon after. 

“So?” Eunsang asks expectantly. 

“It’s done.” Minhee breathes. “Woodz Beanery. Tomorrow.”

“See, I told you so-”

“Shut up, you Priki.”

  
  


◓◓◓

  
  


Over the years, Minhee has figured out how to get onto the slanted roof of his house. It had become some sort of safe space to him, a sanctum, a place for him alone. (Especially because Yeosang is seemingly in all of his business whenever both he and Minhee are home together). 

  
  


Eunsang can tell Minhee is searching for an escape. An escape from school, an escape from life. An escape from everything possible. 

That’s why it’s eleven at night and Minhee was sitting alone on the roof. The sun had sunk below the horizon hours ago, but Minhee’s thoughts hadn't decided to set quite yet. 

In the shadows, Eunsang contemplates him through the window. He can see Minhee shivering, or maybe crying; he can't tell because he can only see the boy’s back shaking. It worries him, but he doesn’t want to intrude until Minhee seems ready. 

  
  


At 1:30 AM, Eunsang feels something inside him fade away; a heavy weight becoming slightly lighter on his heart, and he takes this as a cue to climb onto the roof to join Minhee. 

A cold breeze washes over him as he exits the window onto the roof; a faint whiff of Minhee’s strawberry-like scent hangs around him as he sits alone. Eunsang plops himself next to the boy before peering at his face; he can see a few dry tear tracks down Minhee’s cheeks, his eyes puffy and red.

Minhee doesn't acknowledge his presence at all when he sits next to him, so Eunsang simply places a comforting hand on his back, rubbing it slowly. They stay like that for a while. 

  
  


Eventually, Minhee caves into his touch, leaning into Eunsang’s torso. 

“...”

“So… Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No…”

  
  
  


“Ok. That’s cool.”

  
  


“Hey, Minhee… just know that I’m here if you need to talk. But, more importantly, you have your parents, and your friends, and even Yeosang to talk to if you’re struggling, ok?”

Minhee nods against him, the movement so small, it almost goes unnoticed. 

“Ok. Thank you.” Eunsang breaths, before letting the night sounds fill their silence.

  
  
  


“Can you sing?” Minhee asks suddenly, lifting his head up to look at Eunsang. He blinks at him before replying.

“Yeah, of course, Minhee.”

  
  


_“Without you, the ground thaws, the rain falls, the grass grows…”_

  
  


He starts the song he had sung to Minhee time and time again, letting the outdoors fill the rest of the tune. 

Eunsang reaches the part that he’s never really sung to him before; his voice becomes quieter as he remembers the words. 

  
  


_“But I know blue, only blue, lonely blue, within me blue…”_

  
  


Surprisingly, Eunsang actually makes it through the whole song for once. Once, he noticed Minhee looking it up one day and they learned the lyrics together and listened to the song for hours. It’s a good song. So it’s nice to see it completed. 

  
  


_“The mind churns, the heart yearns, the tears dry, without you._

_Life goes on, but I'm gone, 'cause I die without you…_

_Without you, without you,_

_Without you.”_

  
  


When he ever so quietly finishes the last note, Minhee is silently slumbering in his lap, his body warm to the touch. 

  
  


Eunsang doesn’t know when he disappears again. He just does. He can only guess that Minhee didn’t need him anymore just then. 

  
  
  
  


Minhee awakens on the roof the next morning. Alone. 

  
  


◓◓◓

  
  


Pink-tinted lips pursed and arms crossed, Minhee paces back and forth at the front door. The more time passes, the more his mouth contorts until eventually he’s grimacing. His scowl has Eunsang on the verge of laughter, but he holds himself together for Minhee’s sake. 

“He’ll be here, just chill for a second,” Eunsang encourages him from his spot on the staircase. 

“But, this is like a real date-” Minhee spins on his heel. “Do I look ok? Seriously. Like, should I change??” 

Eunsang focuses on Minhee’s outfit; a casual cream blazer over a simplistic graphic tee, paired with ripped jeans and pristine white shoes (Minhee only wears them when he’s showing off). He looks great. Like, literal perfect boyfriend material. 

  
“Minhee, you look fine. Dongpyo is hella whipped for you anyway and you know it.”

“Aish-” Minhee smacks Eunsang in the arm, annoyed. “And it’s not because you’re my friend?”

“It’s not. Minhee, I don’t know if you understand that you are actually effortlessly beautiful. And you didn’t hear that from me.”

“What? Are you fucking hitting on me-”

“No! Do you even see the girls _and_ guys lined up for you?”

“Um… no?”

“Oh my-” Eunsang stops arguing with him, knowing it was heading nowhere. 

  
  


Minhee frantically checks his phone again (as he had been doing for the past 30 minutes), before pocketing it and running a hand through his hair. Eunsang can tell he is stressed out of his goddamn mind. 

“Hey, kiddo-” Minhee perks up at the old nickname, whipping around to stare at him. “It’s gonna be ok. I swear, it’s impossible for you _not_ to have a good time.”

“I know… it’s just…” Minhee flushes. “I really love him. And this is our first actual date… I’m just worried I’m gonna fuck up or something.”

“You won’t. If Dongpyo judges you for something like that, then he’s not the one for you.” 

Minhee sighs heavily at that, checking his phone yet again. 

“It’s ok to be scared Minhee. I was when I went on my first date.”

“Wait what? What are you talking about how-”

“Fuck, sorry I mean-”

The doorbell interrupts Eunsang’s stuttering; they both glance at each other before Minhee runs forward to open the door. 

Son Dongpyo stands in the doorway, looking as cute and handsome as ever. He grins at Minhee, immediately stepping over the threshold to hug the taller. Minhee instinctively wraps his arms around him, pulling Dongpyo even closer. When they separate, both seem even more shy and flustered. Eunsang chuckles at the interaction; Minhee’s head jerks towards him, eyes widening. 

“So, ready to go?” Dongpyo presents his hand for Minhee to take. 

“Ah-” Minhee shoots him a death glare before shifting his attention back to Dongpyo. “Fuck, I’m sorry Pyo, can you give me like two minutes? I need to make sure I have… my uh- keys. They’re…”

“Hey, no sweat, Mini,” Dongpyo winks and Minhee’s cheeks quickly went pink. “I’ll… get started, you’ll catch up?”

“Yeah sure-'' Minhee says before almost slamming the door on Dongpyo. 

  
  


Minhee whirls around to face Eunsang, walking straight up to him and gripping his shoulders.

“Why are you still here? Shouldn’t you have disappeared by now?”

“Uhm, well, sometimes I can, sometimes I can’t…? You know this-”

“So are you gonna follow me or something?”

“No! Of course not, but… I don’t know, you may unknowingly need me?”

“No, no way, I refuse-” Minhee flips him around and starts pushing him through the house. 

“Where are you taking me?” Eunsang asks, voice becoming panicky.

Minhee leads him all the way to the basement, he opens the door before shoving Eunsang in. 

“Minhee, I’m not gonna follow you-”

“I can’t trust that, I’m sorry,” Minhee starts closing the door. “And I can’t see you when I’m with Dongpyo. It’s just… uncomfortable.”

The lock clicks into place and Eunsang is surrounded by darkness. But the darkness isn’t anything like his _noid_. It’s still a room, still the basement. He breathes a sigh of relief. 

While he can hear Minhee fumbling with his belongings, Eunsang knocks softly on from the other side of the door. 

“Since when did you get so determined?” 

“I'm sorry-” Minhee tries to apologize, but Eunsang stops him. 

“It’s fine, I get it. Just know, I’m with you in spirit. Now, don’t keep Dongpyo waiting.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry Eunsang-”

“Minhee, just shut up and go have fun. He’s waiting for you!”

“Ah… fine, sorry, I’ll be back later.” He hears Minhee’s steps receding before they come pounding back. Eunsang senses Minhee’s pressed up against the door again. 

“I promise.”

Eunsang hears him go out the front door, his and Dongpyo’s voices fading in the distance. His gut tells him that Minhee is going to be fine. A smile makes its way across his face.

  
  


◓◓◓

  
  


Eunsang finds himself being summoned less and less after high school really rolls around. 

  
  


Actually he realizes it way earlier, but at the time, it seems normal and logical, especially for an imaginary friend that has hung around for a bit too many years. 

But bad enough, he doesn’t even know when Minhee actually breaks up with Dongpyo; he only finds out when Minhee tells him casually after Christmas is over. Not for the first time, he _wasn’t_ there for him.

Apparently it was a messy separation, but Eunsang had never called from his _noid_ to help. Though true to Minhee’s nature, he and Dongpyo are still a bit close (Much like his friendship with Jungmo). 

  
  


He is slowly but surely becoming less relevant to Minhee’s life.

  
  


_ Without you, the breeze warms, the girl smiles, the cloud moves… _

  
  


He knows he shouldn’t be cocky about it, he can't. _I mean, this is how they all go, isn’t it? They kid grows up and the imaginary friend disappears for good. … Is it my time now?_

(Eunsang realizes he really broke his pinky promise. He probably broke every pinky promise they ever had. Or maybe he’s just over thinking.)

_ Without you, the tides change, the boys run, the oceans crash…  _

Those days of playing with race tracks, eating strawberries, singing songs and summertime are long gone. If he’s being honest, he isn’t ready yet, _oh god,_ he isn’t. 

But his gut, _his heart_ , tells him Minhee was. 

_ The crowds roar, the days soar, the babies cry, without you… _

By the time summer rolls around, Minhee has found himself a new love: Song Hyeongjun. 

  
  


And Song Hyeongjun… is perfect. Perfect for Minhee to say the least. Really, anyone can tell you that. 

  
  


_ The moon glows, the river flows… but I die without you.  _

  
  


Eunsang can see how Minhee adores him, how Hyeongjun clings to him, how they bicker with each other. How they click like two perfect puzzle pieces. He can _see_ how much Minhee loves him. And it pulls at his heartstrings as he watches them walk away from him. 

  
  


He is being left. Being left. Being left. 

Being left. 

  
  


_ But I know blue, only blue, lonely blue, within me blue… _

  
  


Being left in the azure haze of the sea that is Minhee. 

  
  


_ Without…  _

  
  


◓◓◓

  
  


“Eunsang…”

Dread fills the air. It whirls together with the bright blue sky and reddening leaves around them as they stand on the roof of Minhee’s home. Minhee’s sanctuary, he had once said. 

  
  


Eunsang knows he fucked up. And he knows that just this will be the cause of their end. 

  
  


“Minhee, I’m-”

“Don’t.” Minhee closes his eyes, taking a barely calming breath. “Just don’t.”

  
  


“...”

  
  


“I have Hyeongjun now. And Junho and Dongpyo and Jungmo. I have actual friends now, alright?”

  
  


_A cut slashes through his heart; the strawberries squelch under a foot, the fanciful and child-like world shatters._

  
  


Eunsang internally winces when Minhee emphasizes _“actual friends,”_ as if they’ve never been anything more than strangers. 

“Did you just… have to appear? Like then?”

“Minhee, it wasn’t me, I can explain-”

“You seriously appeared at the worst fucking time possible.” Minhee hisses. _Another stab of red._ “That was personal… to me. And Hyeongjun.”

“And I’m sorry, seriously Minhee, I didn’t know-”

“Fuck you!” he screams at him. “JUST GET OUT OF MY LIFE, SANG!”

Recoiling, Eunsang takes a step back as his chest tightens; his bottom lip quivers as sudden tears threaten to spill. Breathing heavily, Minhee turns away from him, as if he can't even look at him. 

  
  


“... Eunsang, it’s time for me to grow up. And I can’t tell why you’re still here.”

  
  


_There is no point in arguing with him anymore._

(How many times did he say that when Minhee was still ‘Mini’ and a cute seven year old.)

  
  


Minhee is eighteen. A full year older than his old self that he’s been stuck in for the past thirteen years. Eunsang isn’t even technically alive, so why does he care so much?

  
  


_Is it… time to let go… ?_

  
  


“I’m walking away, and I don’t want you to follow me. Just… leave me please. That’s my last wish. Not to play, or hang out or to talk…” Minhee’s voice cracks, which catches him off guard. He doesn’t think Minhee is actually _crying._

“You don’t have anything else to say?” he asks. “Do you?”

  
  


Eunsang shakes his head before letting his nickname fall from his lips one final time. 

“Goodbye, Mini.”

  
  


When Eunsang falls into the noid for what he believes will be the last time, the darkness is red. 

  
  


◑◑◑

  
  


Kang Minhee is spiraling again. 

Again means that time back in high school, when school got hard and so did the assholes who thought they ran it. Which lead to the rooftop becoming his safe space, which led him to talking to Hyeongjun in the first place and then Eunsang-

_No, he’s gone, don’t think about it._

  
  


He tries not to think about his old imaginary friend much (emphasis on “try”); two years without him and he was doing… perfectly fine. Yeah, he’s all good! Just crippling mental health issues, insomnia, and semi-long distance relationships to pull him down. 

  
  


He isn’t actually taking in anything he’s studying. The words flash in front of him with meaning. There’s a ringing, no- a buzzing in his head, which adds to the migraine he already had. 

Suddenly superbly done with everything, Minhee throws his work onto the floor; papers fly into the air and the thick book slides across the cold floor. His face hurts, aching from wanting to cry in anger and frustration. He’s exhausted. 

  
  


He’s losing it, he’s losing it, he’s losing it. 

_He’s losing it._

  
  


The year had started off fine. Actually the first semester of his freshman eyar. his life hadn't been more mentally stable, surprisingly. Even with all the work. But in the second half of the year, it seemed the world wanted him to die. He couldn't focus, he can't sleep (fuck insomnia), he can't function anymore. 

Being alone in a single dorm room probably isn’t too helpful—there isn’t anyone for him to be able to lean on when he needs it. Except for Hyeongjun and Junho, or Dongpyo even, though they are all at different universities (at least they’re kind of near each other). 

And Minhee has suddenly become the complete opposite of how he was when he was a minor. The chatty, enthusiastic Minhee has vanished when-

_Stop._

  
  


So, he’s left with doing something dumb, calling Hyeongjun, or telling someone, like an Resident Assistant down the hall for mental help. Or some sort of support. Or comfort—anything. Reciting his feelings to the RA seems pointless, she doesn’t actually give a fuck about anyone and Minhee knows. 

He settles on doing something he knows is dumb. But-

_Can it make the buzzing go away…?_

  
  


His frustration and exhaustion and anger mixed with his splitting headache gets to the better of him, sending him to his bookshelf to search through his medications. The midnight sky shines through the shades of the window, leaving Minhee in a vague melancholy hue. He scrambles around his bookshelf, chucking painkillers and bandaids behind him in a hurried rush before he finds what he wants. 

Tapping the white tablets into the palm of his hand, he separates out his normal dosage before tossing them down his throat without water, swallowing hard. He moves to put the orange tube down, but in his fatigue decides to take three more. 

  
  


He starts to get really sleepy a little too fast, which abruptly sends Minhee into a sloppy state of panic. 

“Fuck, that was a mistake, oh fuck-” Minhee starts rambling to himself while hurriedly pulling out his phone. He manages to unlock it and jams his finger on Hyeongjun’s contact. With a shaky hand, he lifts the device to his ear.

_One ring…_

_Two rings…_

_Three-_

“Mini?” Hyeongjun asks, his voice crackling through the speaker; hearing him breaks Minhee down to tears. “Baby, are you ok?” 

“No-” is all Minhee can get out before he collapses onto the floor. 

“Mini? What happened? Mini?” He can barely make out Hyeongjun’s panicky voice through his tsunami of caving emotions. 

“I can’t-” He hiccups, unable to vocalize his thoughts. “I can’t do this-”

“Hey, Mini, breathe.”

“I-”

“Breathe, Minhee, breathe…”

“Inhale four, hold seven, exhale eight. Got it, Minhee? Can you do that with me?” Hyeongjun asks. Minhee nods before realizing his boyfriend can’t see him. 

“Yes,” He croaks and Hyeongjun leads him through the exercise, slow and steady until he’s able stop hiccuping. 

  
  


“Mini, you didn’t do anything right…? I hate to ask, but I need to make sure.”

“I thought… Junnie, I just wanted to sleep… and I wanted the buzzing to go away…”

“How many did you take, Minhee? You have to tell me. Which one was it?”

“Mine… I just thought… if I didn’t care… it wouldn’t matter-”

“Minhee, I don’t know what you’re saying but you have to tell me how many you took.”

“Five…? I want the headache to go away…”

“I know, I know, baby. It’s gonna be ok.”

  
  


“Hey, Mini? You can hear me, right?”

Minhee hums, eyes falling shut from the medication kicking in. 

“You’re gonna be fine, thank god your medication isn’t super strong.”

“But it works…” Minhee murmurs. “Works pretty well I think…”

  
  
  


“Still with me, Minhee?”

“Kinda… I'm tired…” 

“Well, just listen to me for a second, then.” He hears Hyeongjun inhale on the other end. “Minhee, I’ll have you know, you can totally do this. Don’t doubt yourself. Seriously, you’re such a brilliant human being, and I know that you’ll be able to get through this, alright?”

“Yeah…” Mini says meekly, the phone pressed to his ear. 

“It’s only three weeks until break, and then I’ll be able to see you. You’ll make it, I know it, and I know you. Ok, baby?”

  
  


_ But I die without you…  _

  
  


Minhee takes in a shaky breath before blurting. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Kang Minhee. So much.”

  
  


◑◑◑

  
  


When Minhee blinks his eyes open, he’s still on his dorm room floor. His back aches terribly when he shifts his position; he must have slept in some awkward position (he literally slept on the floor, what should he be expecting?). The midday sun glares through the window’s shutters, bathing him in an inviting warmth of the afternoon. As he adjusts himself into a slightly more comfortable posture, Minhee realizes he’s leaning on an actual _person._

In his sleepy state, he mumbles, “Junnie?” As Hyeongjun was the last person on his mind, it makes sense in the moment. But soon, Minhee recognized an unfamiliar body; plus, why would Hyeongjun be there with him?

_So who_ was _with him?_

Alarmed, he slowly glances up to the intruder of his dorm. His mouth drops open. 

  
  


“Hey, kiddo.” 

  
  


◑◑◑

  
  


Minhee can't help but notice they two of them are mirroring the same places they were long ago, back when he was about ten-ish. But now, this is his dorm room, he isn’t anywhere near home, and he’s a decade older. And he knows his _“Priki’s”_ name. 

Actually, everything is different now. 

And yet, Eunsang is still situated at his desk and Minhee crossed-legged on the cheap air mattress. There’s just no Star Wars sheets or strawberries or nerf guns. 

  
  


Eunsang’s reappearance brings up a million, maybe even an infinite number of questions, but one comes to mind first. 

“You never really disappeared did you?”

“Not even a how or why?” Eunsang raises an eyebrow.

“I don't need to know how, you're here.” Minhee says hastily, avoiding eye contact. “Answer my question.”

“… I thought I did.” Eunsang pauses, glancing uncertainty at him before continuing. “I was sort of just in the noid for what I can assume was a couple years, because you're in college.”

“So… what? You spent two years just existing in non-existence or something?”

“I can’t tell, Minhee. It can feel like an eternity or a second. It’s all the same when I’m there.” Eunsang shoots back, patience clearly running thin. 

“And…” He exhales reluctantly. “I think I’m still around because I have to do something.”

“Well, _I_ clearly don’t need you, you can go disappear again.” Minhee says, arms tightly crossed. 

“Minhee-”

“No, I don’t, I’m fine-”

“Minhee!” 

He stops babbling at Eunsang’s outburst, staring at him incredulously. 

“Just fucking _listen_ to me, alright?”

“Why should I?”

“Because you didn’t before.”

“But-”

“Not before you let me go, Minhee.”

“...”

“Fine.” Minhee huffs, his posture crumpling. It's funny, because he can tell Eunsang is holding himself back from using an old nickname with him. But maybe it’s what Minhee needs most at the moment. 

“Minhee, it’s pretty clear you’re not ok. Now, I don’t know where your _friends_ -” Eunsang suddenly spits out; Minhee notices. “are, but the fact they aren’t here, nor anyone else makes me think you're alone here. Am I right?”

When Minhee doesn’t respond, Eunsang adds on. “You have a single room and you could have overdosed on your own medication overnight. And Hyeongjun isn’t here. Plus, you don’t have any actual food here.” 

“Fine, yeah, yeah, you’re right.” He reluctantly agrees. “It’s just…”

“It’s college. And it’s hard.” Eunsang finishes for him. “And there’s nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it.”

“I know, I know…” 

“Minhee, I wanna tell you something.”

“Ok…?”

“So just… listen.”

“I’ve been listening to you for a while you know-”

“Oh my god, will you ever shut up?”

“Never!”

Eunsang face-palms, exhaling a heavy breath in annoyance. Minhee feels a bit bad and quickly reassures him before telling him to continue. Eunsang seems genuinely taken aback at his action; he probably thought Minhee was still pissed at him but inside, he wasn’t. 

“I don’t know if you want me here.” His imaginary friend refuses to look at him as he starts. “But, I can’t just sit and watch you crash and burn right now. So just… let me be here for you. Just for a little bit. Let me be your rock… Until you can see Hyeongjun.” 

  
  


It’s when Eunsang finally meets his gaze when Minhee realizes he doesn’t need to vocalize his answer. He knows that Eunsang knows. But he says it anyways, because he just wants to be sure. 

  
  


Maybe he has finally come around. Minhee’s ready to flip his life around, to fix the regrets and change his lifestyle. Yeah, he’s so ready. 

  
  


So, he’s willing to give Eunsang three weeks. Maybe even more. 

  
  


◑◑◑

“Yah, Kang Minhee!” 

Eunsang is waiting for him when Minhee returns from his full day of dull classes, immediately lightening up the atmosphere. 

“Eunsang, just because I agreed, doesn’t mean I want you here my every waking moment.”

“I know, I’m sorry. The whole appearing and disappearing thing isn’t always by my choice.” Eunsang leans back against the wall casually, head tipped to the side. “But you left your clothes EVERYWHERE and I can’t have you living in a den of dirty laundry all the time.”

“Jeez, Sang, I do the laundry like twice a week, it’s fine.”

“Hygiene,” He snaps his fingers into a gun, which genuinely confuses Minhee, but goes along with it anyway. 

“Anyway, if you being here isn’t by your choice,” Minhee contemplates him for a moment. “What do you think I need right now?”

“Wow, finally accepting it’s not all my fault?”

“Shut up and tell me what you want me to do.”

Eunsang’s eyes brighten. “Let’s go for a drive.”

  
  
  


“You know, I do accept that it wasn't your fault, Eunsang. It’s just this… all of this is so weird,” Minhee says as he turns the wheel of the car. They decided to drive to the beach; that was Eunsang’s suggestion. Maybe a sunset would excite Minhee’s day or something along those lines. 

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Side-eyeing Eunsang, Minhee maintains his focus on the road. “You seem so real. It’s just… insane to me. And you’re still here. It’s-”

“Unreal.” Eunsang finishes. “Yeah, I get the feeling.”

Eunsang forcefully ends it there on an awkward note, leaving them to sit in silence. Minhee is highly unsure of how to even continue after that. It’s about ten minutes later when Eunsang asks.

“Minhee, do you even know where you’re going?” 

“Umm…” Minhee hesitates; he actually has no idea where he’s going. Or where they are now actually.

“We’re lost, aren’t we?”

“No, we aren’t!”

“We totally are-”

“No we aren't! I know where… we are…”

“Which is…?”

“Right… here.”

“Riightttttttttt,” Eunsang chuckles, pointing ahead and to the left. “Beach is that way, I’ll take you through, Kiddo.”

“Ok… thanks Mr. Priki.”

  
  


The beach certainly relaxes Minhee. With the sand in between his toes, they hike along the shore, small waves rolling up to his bare feet. They sit and watch the sunset. After the sunset goes down, they remain in the night. 

They don’t need to talk or discuss anything. Just Eunsang’s presence is enough to calm him. 

  
  


Silently, he’s grateful that his imaginary friend came back. 

  
  
  


◑◑◑

  
  


Three weeks run by faster than Minhee could have ever expected. With Eunsang somewhat there to lean on, he’s slightly more rejuvenated—he can actually study and sleep and function for the first time in what feels like a long time. (He’s not joking this time around when he says his life is going well.) It’s like a breath of fresh air in a giant dust storm. 

And it’s all because he has a person that doesn’t actually exist.

  
  


Evening drives after his classes have become one of the nicest parts of his days. Which also means anytime with Eunsang pretty much makes his week at least OK if not better or great. Sometimes, they sing at the top of their lungs to their favorite songs blasting from the speakers, other times they fall into deeper conversations about life (which honestly confuses Minhee; Eunsang’s a person of his creation, why does he have such actual human thoughts?). 

Eunsang’s the one who encourages Minhee to call Hyeongjun more often in the three weeks until break, which he’s grateful for. He feels like he has been avoiding Hyeongjun simply because he has so many issues in his life when in reality, he really needs his boyfriend, as much as Hyeongjun needs him. 

Maybe as much as he needs Eunsang.

  
  
  
  


And then three days before break… Eunsang is gone. 

  
  


Like actually gone. Seemingly vanished into thin air. And Minhee’s horrified because he can’t even feel Eunsang anymore. That invisible link that always was there no longer seems to exist.

  
  


He knows he can make it the next three days alone until he can see Hyeongjun again, but the prospect of that seemed… lonely. The evening drives, coming back to an empty dorm. He has grown so used to Eunsang being around so quickly, just like old times… 

  
  


In three days, he FaceTimes Hyeongjun on nineteen separate occasions throughout the day and into the night. Hyeongjun has told him he doesn’t mind, but through his desperation to not be alone, Minhee feels guilty. 

  
  
  


For weeks and weeks, even after he’s seen Hyeongjun (and Dongpyo and Junho), his mind is still full of Eunsang. Still because… 

  
  
  


_Lee Eunsang… you couldn’t even say goodbye?_

  
  


◑◑◑

  
  


“Minhee!” Dongpyo waves at them aggressively from across the street, jumping up to see the pair over the cars passing by. The sun shines brightly, beating down a warm and comfortable summer heat upon them. There’s not a cloud against the perfect blue. 

It’s certainly a perfect day. 

Junho’s next to Dongpyo, a hand on the shorter’s shoulder to hold him down from hopping around so much. He’s clearly embarrassed. Meanwhile, Minhee and Hyeongjun giggle at the couple across the way before crossing over to them. (Yes, couple, Junho and Dongpyo are legitimately a thing; it happened last year.)

“Cha Junho, would you please stop pushing me?!”

“Would you please stop being a whole jumpy bunny then? I’ve been hit with high amounts of second-hand embarrassment thanks to you-”

“You still love me, shut it.” Dongpyo proceeds to whack Junho on the arm before yanking on his collar to place a smack on the older’s cheek. Junho goes spectacularly red, immediately ducking his face in his hands. 

“Cute, but can we get going?” Minhee pipes up. “Dohyon’s probably waiting for us at the park already-”

“He’s probably not and it’s not like you and Hyeongjun don’t PDA all over the place all the goddamn time.” Dongpyo looks down at Minhee and Hyeongjun’s linked elbows. “I mean, look at you two!”

Hyeongjun turns his head to look up at him and they smile sweetly at each other, seemingly squeezing their arms together even more to be as close as possible. Minhee doesn’t care about being all touchy and cuddly in public. He’s just whipped and so in love with Hyeongjun that he couldn’t care less. 

Dongpyo fervently rolls his eyes before walking ahead, pulling Junho along with him. “PDA my ass…” 

  
  


Hyeongjun had been the one insisting they get together at least twice a month after his near medication overdose. And they have been doing it ever since. (Hyeongjun is a genius. _His_ genius, really.) It’s been an entire year of these bimonthly meetings and Minhee couldn’t be more happy. 

Bimonthly turned into weekly, on the weekends specifically. And soon, their small group grew before their eyes. 

It started with Minhee asking his old friend, Jungmo to join the other four on a cafe trip one afternoon and then quickly extended to bringing Wonjin along, who would end up bringing people like Woobin and Allen who came every now and then. Serim, Taeyoung, and Seongmin had joined the most recently along with Dohyon and Wonyoung, who had been dragged around by Junho. Woonggi and Yuna, Dongpyo's close friends would come when they could; their schools were miles away, leading to long road trips or flights to and from school when they wanted to visit. 

After a few months, they would venture out for cafes with the perfect citron teas, bars for the cheapest but quality alcohol, and drug stores for tasty snacks. Afterwards, they’d probably end up crashing at someone’s place and fall into deep conversations about life. (His were usually with Hyeongjun or Dohyon, surprisingly. The youngest of them all had turned out to be really nice to talk to and also have a lot to say when he’s a tad loopy.)

  
  


The start of their junior year, he and Hyeongjun move in together. It's a tiny apartment, but just big enough for the two of them. It's home, but for him, home is wherever Song Hyeongjun is. 

Minhee is 20 now. He feels it’s important to recognize this for some reason. Not the fact that he’s actually 20, but the fact that he’s just… older. He’s growing up. 

  
  


There’s no Eunsang in his life anymore. Not even a breath or a smile or a flash of red. Minhee finally accepts he’s gone. Gone for good. 

He always thinks about if he could tell five-year old Minhee that his imaginary friend would leave him forever one day, child Minhee would scold his _‘Priki’_ as fast as he possibly could. Minhee laughs to himself quietly whenever he thinks about his first encounter with Eunsang: the blue and red cars that he rigged the other with, the orange race track, and the strawberries that _‘Priki’_ never got to taste. 

  
  


It’s bittersweet. The strawberries he means. They’re always just a tad sour. 

And yet, just like how they say in that song Eunsang always used to sing him: 

_Life goes on...._

  
  


_but I'm gone…_

  
  
  


Today, it’s just him, Hyeongjun, Dongpyo, Junho, and Dohyon. They have their minds set on having a picnic at a park, but it’s clear that none of them thought this idea through in any way because they have no food or anything at all. It’s typical of all of them, really.

“Minhee! Hyeongjun!” Minhee looks over his shoulder to spot Dohyon chasing after them to catch up. So Dongpyo was right. “Wait for me!” 

Squeezing Hyeongjun’s arm, Minhee waves his free hand at Dohyon before calling Junho and Dongpyo ahead of them to stop. They wait for the youngest to catch up before continuing towards the park. 

“Aish, you lovebirds, were you going to leave me behind or something?” Dohyon inserts himself in between Dongpyo and Junho, towering over both of them.

“No, we would never!” proclaims Dongpyo, but he’s legitimately looking at his phone as he says so. Dohyon ruffles his hair before Junho slaps his hand away. _Always the overprotective Cha Junho._

As expected, Dohyon is the one who pulls the group into a nearby store for food. He nearly sprints down the aisle, hand quickly unable to carry much more. Junho grabs two drinks from the frigid area, showing them to Dongpyo for his approval. Minhee watches him scan the lemon and honey-grapefruit tea bottles and before nodding, his face flushing. 

  
  


Minhee sees a familiar back as he looks past the couple. _Must be nothing,_ he quickly dismisses. 

  
  


Hyeongjun grabs his attention, gently pulling on his arm to get him to look at a selection of fruit cups and bowls. 

“Fruit?” Hyeongjun inquires. “I ask because I have like four bags of chips and ramen here-”

Minhee chuckles. “Ramen’s always good.” He says before reaching down to grab a small plastic container of strawberries. 

And then, all of their hands are full of food and wallets a little deflated. (Minhee can literally hear his wallet crying in his back pocket.)

  
  


With the group already exiting the store, Minhee somehow manages to drop almost everything he’s holding right before he reaches the doorway. His drink and the ramen tumble out of his hands and onto the linoleum and the cup of strawberries spin out of arm's reach. In a hassle to leave, he gathers what he can in his arms before turning on his heel to follow the others. 

There’s a light tap on his shoulder just before he steps outside. He almost misses it, but he soon recognizes the missing fruit in his clutches. 

  
  


“Sorry, but I think you dropped this-” 

  
  


Minhee freezes.

  
  


At this point, Hyeongjun has gone back to make sure Minhee doesn’t fall too far behind the rest; as he’s here now, he shoots him a perplexed look as Minhee’s eyes widen in shock. 

“Excuse me?”

“Ah-” Minhee whips around, ultimately terrified. “Sorry, I-”

  
  


His suspicions are correct. His mouth falls open as a quiet _“oh my god”_ spills from his lips. 

  
  


It’s Eunsang. 

  
  


It’s _his_ Lee Eunsang. In the flesh. He looks how he’s always looked: 17 and as Eunsang as ever. His hair’s the same, his eyes still sparkle the same way. Minhee doesn’t know how this is possible. 

Because it’s still Lee Eunsang standing in front of him. 

  
  


_His Lee Eunsang._

  
  


“Oh,” Minhee watches his now very real "imaginary friend" furrow his eyebrows in sudden apprehension. Minhee holds his breath. 

  
  


“Sorry, but do I know you?”

_ 빨간색 _

_(Red) _

**Author's Note:**

> hello! it seems you've made it through my long ass au! so thanks for reading! i really appreciate you taking the time to at the very least read the first four lines :) 
> 
> idk what i'm doing so i'm just gonna point out a few random things/symbolisms that i really cared about and were blatantly obvious throughout the story (probably)
> 
> SYMBOLISM/REFERENCES  
> 1\. red/blue: this one is kinda obvious: red represents Eunsang, our red-headed crab apple. i had blue represent Minhee because his color for cravity is blue. i also had the text in colors, for example, reprises of the lyrics are in reds and blues depending on the perspective, but i can't code, so that didn't happen (EDIT: OMG I MADE THE COLORS WORK OMG)
> 
> 2\. the cars: the toy cars in the beginning were supposed to be reflective of how eunsang dies. (basically, a really horrible car accident. one of the cars happens to be blue) (and look its not a red car killing him bc otherwise his own color would kill himself if you get my drift)
> 
> 3\. the nickname 'priki': an obvious reference to PDX101 and Eunsang+Wooseok's screaming in silence game fail
> 
> 4\. pinky promises: they come up a few times, mostly in my attempt to show some form of consistency and growth between the characters
> 
> 5\. strawberries: because minhee legitimately is a strawberry (note: i don't know if they're his actual favorite fruit...)
> 
> 6\. Yeosang: the legendary Kang Yeosang is from the epic group ATEEZ! i had originally considered Jaemin from NCT as minhee's older brother, but decided to stay consistent with their last names. 
> 
> 7\. anyone notice the BLUE Nerf guns???
> 
> 8\. 'without you': this wonderful song is from the American Musical, RENT. i personally like this song a lot and i felt it connected with my own ideas in this story. plus, they also have a whole line about feeling blue (wow like minhee's color?) and the phrase "i die without you" ooooooooooh yeah, feel the burn
> 
> 9\. noid: WOODZ's song from his new album EQUAL! i highly suggest checking it out. this reference was my way of inserting Cho Seungyoun into this. additionally, noid is a beautiful song and i spent a lot of time listening to it while writing.
> 
> 10\. dogs: i think there was a vlive where minhee told woobin about how he let his dog run away because he thought he probably had a girlfriend...? could be wrong, it's funny anyway :) here's the [ vlive](https://www.vlive.tv/video/201192?channelCode=A34B7D) and some [ screenshots](https://twitter.com/minisogn/status/1344565931964387328).
> 
> 11\. woodz beanery: mm duh
> 
> 12\. minhee's first date outfit: basically these two photos: [ minhee 1](https://twitter.com/CRAVITY_twt/status/1260814834225954816) and [ minhee 2](https://twitter.com/CRAVITY_twt/status/1255855127765725184)
> 
> 14\. the split: if anyone cares, Eunsang appears (against his own will) when Minhee and Hyeongjun were about to share their first kiss (potentially ruined by Eunsang's appearance, but you'll never know if Minhee went back inside to Hyeongjun or not)
> 
> 15\. i'd like to randomly note that when eunsang "falls into the noid for what he believes will be the last time" i just imagined him vanishing as he free falls off the roof of the house
> 
> 15\. the amount of times minhee facetimes is 19, which yes i can get from anywhere but took it from july 19, 2019, the final episode and end of PDX101
> 
> 16\. drinks: hyeongjun (i believe) likes citron tea, (i think) junho likes lemon tea and (i still think) dongpyo likes honey-grapefruit (i don't know for sure though, i'm just guessing based off of twitter research at this point)
> 
> once again, thank you so much for reading this, it means the world to me :)
> 
> love yalls, spread the love around
> 
> and happy reading :)
> 
> ~prikicheesecakeu


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